Awakening Through The Wound

Many people think awakening is about having technicolor spiritual experiences, seeing other dimensions, or stimulating bliss through the higher glands. And while I have had all of those experiences, I realized each time that they were not really awakening. They were valuable, yes, but they didn't actually mean anything. 

I have always wanted to know the true nature of reality, and I pursued it as a goal through a variety of paths. I learned a great deal from the search.

What I've come to understand thus far is that we're on a healing journey. And as we heal, that is, as we become whole again by metabolizing our shadow, as we become able to hold our own contradictions, our shame, guilt, fear and self-loathing... we heal them. We call those parts home and are no longer driven by what we were hiding from. 

It wasn't until I did the lion's share of that healing work that I began to truly awaken -- and that awakening did not take the form of floating in bliss or ascending into realms of light.

This awakening was raw and real. It consisted of seeing through illusion in a way I never had before. It was a reckoning with reality, and it shocked me. The scales fell from my eyes.

If you want to know the true nature of reality, you have to face reality. You have to face the actual reality you're in, rather than aspiring to escape into ecstasy.

Then you realize that a lot of spiritual 'highs' were within the construct of that reality -- a synthetic mimic of the Real with its own version of light and heavenly bliss, its own hierarchy of angels and archangels and vivid astral realms. You could get lost in there for eons (I'm sure I did) and never see it for what it is -- part of the illusion that we were born into.

Instead, the real and raw awakening showed me the inversion of truth that we have lived in and called normal.

It revealed to me in layer after layer how this world was actually run, how vast, deep, and frankly impressive the deception has been and for how long; how deeply asleep I had been even as I yogied my way through training after training. I realized I had been missing the point.

I saw the false front of the world stage, the pervasive mind control of the masses, the interdimensional and off-planet influences, the technological overlays, the debt slavery system, the extraction of our energy and resources, and the funding mechanism of the whole corrupt machinery based in trafficking, torture, and murder of the most innocent among us.

It was not pretty.

To be awake is to see all of this. To hold all of this.  Not to look away. And to sense, underneath it all, the True Reality, the organic and natural way of love, of life, of light, still percolating, still shimmering underneath -- but yes, veiled. Hidden.

And to realize that in fact you contain all of it, that you ARE all of it, that you as a full universal fractal of the Source can metabolize all of it by doing your part, your simple part. By playing your role in remembrance.

To awaken is to remember why you came back at this time -- to restore balance at a convergence where everything is possible by being fully, totally YOU without apology. 

By YOU, I mean the Light that you are. Underneath the persona.

When I started hearing the stories of survivors -- people like Poppy Joy, like Rebecca Barron, like Tony Rodrigues, like so many others -- at first it was almost too much to take.

My introduction to the reality of satanic ritual abuse and trauma-based mind control was through Cathy O'Brien's story. I was sickened. For months after, I felt like a layer of my skin had been flayed off. It was raw. It was real. My eyes were open. 

Then, I had to know more.

I listened to dark chapter after dark chapter of survivors' stories -- not to torment myself, not to focus exclusively on their trauma, but because I could see the patterns. I could sense the truth. I could feel how these stories were part of an interconnected web that brought a much larger picture into focus.

Their courage in coming forward (and some of them still fresh and not fully healed) broke my heart open.

What struck me the most was the purity I sensed in them, the incorruptible spirit that had triumphed despite desecration, black magic, spells, torture, medical experimentation, sexual slavery, forced participation in atrocities, violence, rape, repeated impregnation and abortion for ritual use. The cruelty of their treatment, the absolute barbarity of it, the total absence of human feeling or presence in their darkest hours had not destroyed them. They had maintained their humanity, they had carried their torch through experiences that are unimaginable to the average person. So unimaginable that most people wouldn't believe their stories, which of course, was what the tormentors counted on. That, and the sad fact that so many of their victims did not survive. 

I came to realize that we share this planet with other beings who may look human, but who are not. I came to realize that our species had been dominated. Enslaved is a more appropriate word. And that it had been done so cleverly over so many millennia that we thought we were living a normal life here. When in fact what we have endured as a humanity is ... unimaginable.

In my recent conversation with survivor Poppy Joy, she mentioned her intimate connection with the spirit of Mother Earth. She said that Mother Earth had said Poppy could speak for her, because they had been through the same torments. And I knew that our bodies really are the body of the Earth. That what our mother has suffered -- invaded and enslaved by a foreign occupier millions of years ago -- has been visited upon us too. We just have so much amnesia, due to the ways our DNA and the planetary grids have been manipulated, that we cannot remember what it was like to be free. 

Part of my awakening has been feeling again. Realizing how much I couldn't feel. How much my heart had been terrified since birth and shrunk back into the shadows, and how my mind had taken over.

And when I started to connect to my heart again, I started to feel a connection to Mother Earth again. I cried many tears of grief contemplating what she has been through and how much she has held for us. I could feel her grief and torment in my own body. 

But I knew that the survivors had borne the brunt of this. That their souls by agreement had come to metabolize the darkest of the dark, for all of us and for the Mother. We should listen to them. We should be profoundly grateful to them.

Some time ago it dawned on me that I had never fully inhabited my body, never fully come down to the ground, as if I had one foot out the door. It's why I was always looking to go up and out into the realms of bliss. Of course, in my amnesic and confused state, I mistook the false light mimicry for the real thing and kept looping inside the false construct-overlay. Once I realized that, I consciously started inhabiting my body again, which meant a lot more healing and feeling. 

There came a moment when I faced Thanatos, or the death urge. And I knew I had been dancing with that energy for a long time. Not by trying to off myself, more by refusing to fully live. So I then had to make the conscious choice to stay on the planet. I had to acknowledge my agreement to be here and do my part.

But agreeing to stay isn't the same as choosing to LIVE. 

That came later. Choosing to live is choosing to let your light out through your heart even in this insane world of ugliness. It used to get us killed, and in some cases still does.

But things are changing now. It isn't that we can let our light out, it's that we must.

It's part of what is transforming reality, part of the cascades of disclosure, part of all that is being revealed. It exposes the brutality, the ugliness, the unthinkable. But it is absolutely necessary to dissolving the evil that has gripped our planet and our solar system for so long. That occupation is over now, its days are numbered. We must choose whether we want to go the way of the machine world or remain organic humans.

What I began to realize is that the Earth herself has been carrying trauma. Not metaphorically. Literally.

The desecration of the feminine, the extraction of life force, the inversion of what is sacred., the reduction of living beings into “resources.” The fragmentation of organic harmony into systems of domination, competition, and control.

We carry this in our bodies because our bodies are not separate from the body of the Earth.

And women, especially, often feel this deeply. Many women carry inexplicable grief; a chronic sense of vigilance, a fear of fully opening. A feeling of being invaded, watched, used, depleted, or unsafe in the world.

We call these things anxiety, depression, autoimmunity, burnout, trauma. And yes, they are those things. But beneath them is also an ancient memory. The body remembers what the mind cannot.

As I began reconnecting with my own heart and inhabiting my body more fully, I also began feeling the presence of the Earth again — not as scenery, not as “nature,” but as a living intelligence. A being. A mother. And I could feel that she, too, was healing. The storms, the upheavals, the revelations, the cracking open of hidden things — all of it began to feel less like the end of the world and more like a great purification. A return.

And suddenly I understood something that gave me enormous hope: our healing journeys mirror one another.

As she throws off her chains, so do we. As she reclaims her rhythms, so do we. As she restores balance, coherence, and organic intelligence, we begin to remember those things within ourselves. This is why so many people are awakening now. Why old coping mechanisms no longer work. Why the body is speaking so loudly. Why intuition is increasing. Why illusion feels harder and harder to maintain.

The construct is destabilizing because Reality is returning.

And despite all the horror humanity has endured, despite all the manipulation, fragmentation, conditioning, and grief… I know we are not losing. I believe we are remembering. Not perfectly, not all at once. But unmistakably --  the heart is coming back online.

And perhaps that is what awakening really is.

Not escaping the Earth… but finally becoming present enough to love her — and ourselves — again. The more we choose life, which is the presence of Source in us, allowing it to course through our hearts and wombs and cells, the more we remember who we really are, and that is what brings down the false.

The New Earth is our mother planet, free once more, and all of us on it, enjoying life as whole human beings. After millions of years... balance restored.

Watch my interview with Poppy Joy.